Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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