i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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