when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
