bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Randomize
