He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
