blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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