Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
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