When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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