her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Randomize
