Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
i drank out of a bidet.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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