There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
