my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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