I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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