We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
