Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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