Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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