I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
