im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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