Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I just found puke in my bra..
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
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