please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize