Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
