I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
