bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
