his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
