ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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