we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
