Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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