omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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