Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
