You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
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