never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
