I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
