so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
You took a bar mat shot.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Randomize
