I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
