Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
