he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
