Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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