Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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