WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize