Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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