Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
