There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
