plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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