youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize