Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
