You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
