she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
