took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
