hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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