Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
