I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Randomize
