There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Randomize
