remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
where are you?
Hypothermia
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
