i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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