Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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