Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Floor bacon is actually really good
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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