Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
We have started to decorate penises.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Randomize
