Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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