better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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