This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
