I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
