just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
