i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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