We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
