dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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