also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
