Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(203): View more from Connecticut

That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!

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(650): View more from California

he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car

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(780): View more from Alberta, CA

I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.

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(775): View more from Nevada

I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.

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(740): View more from Ohio

I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas

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(731): View more from Tennessee

I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.

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(386): View more from Florida

If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.

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