In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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