my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
i love accidental penises.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
