i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
