Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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