Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
